4th of December, it is still a cursed day.

I realised that in my head, there is no order, but chaos.
I cannot think straight.
I cannot make proper decisions.
Demons in, angels out.
I am less than the father and son, I am the dark spirit.
I cannot breathe, yet I am breathing.
I am as calm as the lake, but deep inside I am the raging storm in the middle of the sea.
I feel as though I am holding on the edge of the hill ,
And yet still I feel it feels better to let go of my grip and just fall freely.
Good day does not matter anymore,
They all hide behind the lightning.
I am sorry I can't be the man you want me to be.
I see myself fading in the reflection of myself,
One second I am here, one more I am gone I lost myself in the eyes of mine I thought belongs to some stranger,
My sanity deteriorate day by day,
Like rusts falling off of this metal statue,
I feel so empty, so full of obscurity,
Waking up in the morning,work like a zombie,
Going back to sleep with despair as company,
My heart breaks further apart these pieces keep losing and fading.
I am so in love with this imaginary pain of losing you,
It is killing me but that pain makes me feel alive,
The sadness are yet to feel but I felt it throughout my veins,
Mr. Arteries says it is true, it is all predicted and true,
"You are going to live for a long time, and you are going to spend every minute of it feeling miserable"
This hurts, yet I don't bleed.